“If you don’t know you will never a know a good thing.”
-Jhene Aiko (Lyin King)
Sooo one of my WattPad readers was like you never get personal and she’s right but lets be real in total on WattPad I have over 100,000 readers now I’m not the most comfortable sharing the boring details of my life ;). LOL but she asked me about dating and college and I didn’t have answer because the key for me when it comes to dating in college is NOT DATING AT ALL.
And let me just say I am swarming in athletes, Greeks, and those hot boyz that just sit up at the campus rec. But I don’t want any of them and here’s why.
My momma swear she gonna get some grand babies out of me but thank the Lord for my little brother because I’m not the one. Seriously, I may never get a man I should’ve titled this young, black, & selfish because there is no way I could see myself changing in the slightest way for anyone at this point in my life. Let me just say this dating in college is weird from the jump and being that I came from such a small place where I knew everyone my entire life including guys it became weirder. Half of the guys I went high school with more most likely my cousins and if they weren’t they were fools to me so that’s that. In college though you meet people and they instantly become your worlds and I’m not just talking about guys I mean all friendships.
You’re already in a different place so when you meet people you cling to them. It may be your roommate it might be some dude that slid in your DM’s from those aggravating party promoting pages. Either way in college and on campus life you develop friendships very quickly. You talk to people who you would never think you would talk to but there is also this undeniable pressure to have a companion especially amongst girls like no shame to the walk of shame but when a girl I met freshmen year told me she was walking from the other side of campus to Netflix and chill with a dude she’s only known for like a week I got prudish. I was clutching my lil pearls applaud I was shocked I kid you not.
First of all ,I was nervous to walk around campus during the day but she doing it at night. But with that it’s just the culture of college that works for her that’s what she wanted.Everything that I thought about relationships and male and female interactions is being tested in college. I could make a list and list about why I am single. Am I happy single? Yes! One of my best friend’s always jokes that I’ve been a relationship with myself since I was fourteen and its true. I’m not ready to date in right now and I honestly don’t believe that college is the place in my life for me to date. I can barely sacrifice to go to my little cousins baseball game how the hell will I sacrifice mall time with my girls or even my mom to go meet a guy’s family. I can’t do that because I’m not ready to like or love somebody enough to make small choices. I’ll text with you and even go on a little date here and there but nothing serious from me.
Then I’m Black….
This is not a rant against black males this is just a rant that black girls in college do often. And we need to STOP. I know this first hand because of my little brother. Black men want to find their mother in you most of the time. They need you to take the place of their mother but you need to be wrapped in banging body and willing to take shit that he know his mother would never accept. And we give it to them and we take it as aww how adorable they’re so helpless without us (currently rolling my eyes). At our age in college we are on own and we are solely responsible for ourselves. Why on Earth would you take on responsibility for someone else. I refuse , I REFUSE, to spend thousands of dollars to do someone elses homework, laundry, and to cook for them.
It’s not that men are incapable od doing this they just know that some women will do all that for them and more. But where I go to school if you’re a girl and don’t want to break your back for a dude your stuck up. What does this have to do with being black? Black girls always accidentally try to prove how much better they are than the next and colorism aside we have to be “the type of girl who…” instead of just being. I feel as a young black woman I have to be a million types of women wrapped in one for one person. I have to be sensitive, strong, pro-black, educated, domestic, stylish, funny, loud, but not too loud, “crazy”, but a good crazy. I ain’t ready for that at all. We have higher expectation in relationships because we don’t want “the stigma”. The stigma that dating black women is hell because we end up being “too much.”
So I’m Single….
Until I’m ready to accept other people and their flaws. I am single until I know I love myself unconditionally. I am single until I am ready to make the small sacrifices for someone. Being in a relationship became so weird to me because I am not ready for the “dating to marry” or the “dating to build” all that is not apart of my world or my goals. If I meet someone and that changes and so be it. But be comfortable single to be comfortable in a relationship. A relationship does not define you or your happiness. When I decide to take that step my next relationship it will not become my life it will be an extension of my life. Because my youth ends when I decide it does ,not when the pressure of marriage and kids are looming over me in the future. There is no rush ,go split that 2 for 22 at Chilli’s or link up and get a few pounds of crawfish and snowball then go chill on the lake front with someone. When you take dating so seriosuly and you rush for something your skipping over the fun part of getting to know someone. From my past lil boo’s I learned that I’m never willingly listening to Tay-K, and that going watch a race on the lake front is illegal and boring, I learned that Yu-Gi-Oh Tournments get heated and I will never in my life go to another one, I also learned that most dudes momma’s can’t make potato salad to save their soul. The list just goes on but, that’s the fun part the list goes and on I get to explore and have fun in my dating life.
“The bottom line is men are nothing but speed bumps on the road to happiness”
-Maxine (Living Single)