“Look at what I’ve found, ain’t no need for searching”
I have intuition based on how my years go and I don’t know how I know but I just do. My “even years” like 2010, 2012, 2014, and lets not forget the infamous 2016 all challenged me mentally. But my odd years I grow and I always have an abundance of blessings and strength. So when I say 2019 will be the year….believe me. 2018 was no different from my other even years and I’m okay with that. I needed those years for lessons and how I learn who I am and who I want to be. I’m happy with the growth I had this year but on to the next. If you haven’t heard Ariana Grande’s single ,Thank u, next, watch the video and happy reading.
Thought I’d end up with….
This year I thought I’d end up graduating college an education major. That won’t happen anymore. It wasn’t a match for me. The obstacles I had to go through to just make it work weren’t falling into place. Some days it was a mental battle of if I was just plain dumb? Why couldn’t I grasp statistics? Why was the math portion on my Praxis so hard? After months of privately knocking myself down I made the hasty decision to change my major. I of course still want to teach but now I’m taking a different route. For once in college I’m actually enjoying learning. In my sociology classes I’m learning how to interact with my students from different back grounds. I’m good with this change I wasn’t at first because in my eyes I had failed. If I could tel you one thing to go into your beautiful Odd Year is that failure is mental. Test grades, goals, relationships and friendships don’t end in failure. You learned something from every test life gives you. how could you fail if you won knowledge?
One taught me love…
You know what I do not like? When people say you have to teach people how to love you, That’s bullshit to me. Self love as I have said before isn’t easy. It’s not over night but what I learned in 2017 was that I can not grow with someone at the age that I am. I have to blossom on my own. In friends and relationships I can’t give a person love if I have yet to experience love from myself. And if you are a person who wants to give love be kind enough to the people around you and heal your own heart before you break another’s.
One taught me patience…
If anything taught me patience it was waiting for teachers to upload final grades. But seriously it was knowing that timing is everything. Some things that I wanted like a relationship with my dad, mending friendships, and even starting a relationship was something that I wasn’t ready for. The timing wasn’t right and patience is a virtue. The right time for everything will come.
One taught me pain…
Healing from a loss seems like it takes a lifetime. Losing my Godfather is still a cut that I can’t manage to bandage. But he was an angel in my life. But his time in my life served a purpose. I don’t usually search for a meaning in everything but we have to remember the impact that person had. Not the wound that they left. For friendships and relationships we can remember what that person did and how we felt, but when they are gone the pain of loss isn’t all you have left. At least you’ll have the memory.
Spent some time with my friends…
This year has brought me so much closer to my friends. I’m obsessed with them I would say. I’ve been better at communicating with them this year and I’m going to continue that. Our discussions are better and I find that we have inspired each other to grow in the right direction. Joy has taught me so much about being passionate about your career, Alison has taught me the beauty of embracing this divine feminine spiritual life. Asia is someone new in my life but still an old friend has taught me courage and above all just to be brave at facing new obstacles in life.
Maiya has taught me how to grow in your faith and not let outside obstacles test that. Bree has taught me that it is okay to be alone and to not be okay. Madison has taught me to embody being strong and to speak up. And for that I thank u.
Thank u. next
This next chapter will be end and the start of new beginnings for me. I’m ending college and I;m traveling more. I will become closer to my family and I will let love happen for me. I won’t hold back out of fear anymore.
One day I’ll walk down the aisle…
My momma has had my back like no other this year. Every single time I fell she was there to pick me up. Relationships with your family are hard especially if you’re going through something or you’re having major life changes. But just try to connect with them on something. I know it can feel like the responsibility is on you to build a relationship with your family but it takes someone to make the first move. So one when I do walk down the aisle holding hands with my momma I will thank my dad. I don’t care about the role he had in my life anymore. I care about the role he will have and what he will represent moving forward. God forbid something happens at least we will end better than what we started.
I’ve learned from the pain and turned out amazing. I can’t begin to explain how joyful it feels to say I have made it though this year. I’m so grateful for my year
And for 2018 I say: Thank u, next.
P.S. Thank u Zach for Ari-culture.