“There are years that asks questions and years that answers”
-Zora Neale Hurston
I think I put too much magic in ages. I always still linger on to the fantasy that a certain age will bring something magical and graceful into my life. When I turned 15 I remember thinking this is it I am officially not a child anymore why I thought that who really knows. I think it was just hope that I had a marker to change and to become a better version of myself. Granted when I was fifteen a better version of myself was a spending Saturdays in Forever 21 with my moms debit card but it was better than my mom standing over me in Forever 21 convincing me not to buy a stupid graphic tee. Now I spend my Saturdays buying flowers which is a switch I never saw coming, But, growth is growth.It’s not measured by an age or the people around us. Growth for me is being comfortable going places alone and not feeling ashamed for not being 100% dedicated to every aspect of my life. Growth for you may be finally soaking in a bubble bath once a week.I measured my growth by what people around me did for years and up until a few months ago. I always thought I was a hundred miles behind my friends. I spent time trying to catch up in an imaginary race. During the time I spent trying to catch up I lost sight of my own goals. What was at the finish line for me? What was I racing to? If I won what was the prize? I came up with nothing. For one of the first times in my life I didn’t have any real goals. I was in cycle of routines and organizations and making sure I wasn’t panicking about my future. I got too comfortable running to nothing. So I took a big risk and auditioned for the Vagina Monologues. For no reason other than to prove to myself that I could. Getting cast wasn’t the goal it was auditioning. I have never really acted and I could speak in public but to adopt another persona was not my forte. I wanted to prove that I was brave enough to step out of the imaginary race. I promise the day I walked out of the office after auditioning and getting cast I felt this feeling of rejuvenation. I was getting somewhere with my goals. A few months ago I wouldn’t have done it because school and work were the most important in my life. But once I realized that if I keep staying safe and running after someone on their track I would never race my own race. Once you reach that minor growth that’s when the inner glowing starts. When you feel happy you start to look it. Glowing starts with accepting where you are in life but once you accept it you can recognize that you have the strength, power, and ability to change that. I accepted the fact that I am not where I want to be when it comes to my writing but it will change. Meditate on what you fear and see where the fear is sourced from. That where growth starts from. It starts with reaching into those places that are sensitive and healing those places to be comfortable and allowing those sensitive parts to come forward. You ever hear people talk about relationships and they say you and your partner must want growth for it to work? Well your body and mind are just like a relationship. When you want growth you have to activate it all parts of your being. You have to open yourself and open places that hinders you from growing. Once you start to grow into the next phase of yourself the glowing come naturally. It comes like second nature and you don’t realize your glow until you go into your next phases of growth. When its time for a change be sure to change.